Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Tropical Storm Nicole (2010)/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Karanacs 16:50, 21 July 2011 [1].

Tropical Storm Nicole (2010)

Tropical Storm Nicole (2010) (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

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Nominator(s): ★ Auree talk 23:14, 11 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Tropical Storm Nicole was a short-lived and asymmetric, yet devastating storm that killed thirteen and caused extensive damage in Jamaica. I've been working on the article for a while now, and I believe it has greatly improved since its creation, both qua structure/prose and information. It has also received a peer review prior to this nomination, and any additional comments are greatly appreciated. ★ Auree talk 23:14, 11 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done. Nikkimaria (talk) 04:11, 12 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

  • Newspapers should be italicized
  • Need page numbers for multi-page PDFs
  • Watch for small inconsistencies like doubled periods
  • FN 22: Chipley Paper is work, not author
  • Be consistent in whether you provide publishers for newspapers, and if you do how this is notated
  • Be consistent in whether newswire services like Reuters or Associated Press are listed as authors or publishers. Nikkimaria (talk) 04:11, 12 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I think I've fixed all these issues. Not entirely sure about the fifth point, but I think it's alright like this. Thanks for the source review! ★ Auree talk 07:09, 12 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Image Review - Yeah, it all checks out. Sven Manguard Wha? 20:43, 14 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! ★ Auree talk 22:38, 14 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments - a few cosmetic things I noticed right off the bat.
  • The first ref should have first names in the author info, since the rest seem to have them.
Good point. Added first names. ★ Auree talk 17:17, 15 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I'll add a source to this soon. ★ Auree talk 17:17, 15 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Visually, I think you should try to stagger the position of the images... currently, there's a wall of graphics adjoining a wall of text.
All right, though I'm not sure what the best way to do this would be. How does it look now? ★ Auree talk 17:17, 15 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll read through the article soon and review it from a more in-depth point of view. Juliancolton (talk) 15:38, 15 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

  • Overall a well-written article but it would be best if you checked around for some more recent info. There is information that was added into the TCR not mentioned in the article, namely the 37.42 inches of rain recorded in Belleisle, Jamaica. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 18:34, 15 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed the rainfall total. I'll check around for more recent info as well. ★ Auree talk 19:59, 15 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comment Seems to present the subject matter as well as can be expected. A few quibbles:

Lede
  • "the final of a record" I would say "the last".
Fixed.
Met. history
  • "focus for scattered thunderstorm activity—or convection". If you are saying that convection is an alternative term for what is before the dash, then I would suggest using parentheses instead.
Tried something a bit different. This looks better as well
  • "amidst" Given that this is US speech patterns, I guess, judging by the dates being month first, wouldn't "amid" be better? I'm not certain on this one.
Good point.
  • "Over the subsequent day" I'm unsure if you are referring to the 27th or 28th. It isn't helped that not much further down you say "the same day". Make the timeline clearer, please.
I added a date with its formation.
  • "Despite the asymmetry," I'm not sure about your use of the word "despite"; after all, symmetry mediates neither for or against the attainment of tropical storm status, this one is simply atypical.
The asymmetry is explained in the preceding sentence, namely the disassociation of the convection and the storm center. This could often inhibit tropical development, that's why I mentioned it.
Preparations
  • " to remain closed the next morning" I would say "the next day" to eliminate questions about whether they reopened later in the day.
Done.
Impact
  • "Widespread flooding" I would strike the word widespread. The previous sentence establishes that fact adequately.
Alright.
  • " from seven different parishes." I would say in, not from.
Yeah, I agree.
  • "were performed ". Suggest "had been performed".
Fixed.
  • "rendered beyond repair" Strike "rendered".
Fixed.
  • "Associated monetary losses" Strike "Associated"
Fixed.
  • "hospitalizing four locals in the process" Strike "in the process" and I would call them residents. Can't we just say they were injured? "Hospitalized", I wonder about that term.
Hospitalized is a legit term (the source also states it explicitly). Besides, just saying they were injured could also mean they sustained minor bruises and cuts, which is not something you get hospitalized for. I tweaked the rest, though.
  • "extensive damage to several roads, making them impassable to traffic" Aren't you saying virtually the same thing twice?
Yeah, in a sense. Fixed.
  • "Despite initial threats " You are stuffing too much into this sentence; please split it.
Bah, bloated sentence. Split.
  • " flood waters reached about 1 ft (0.3 m) in one local residence." Is what happened to one house really significant or representative?
Changed it to "significant flooding was only reported to one local residence" to indicate there was limited damage.
  • " carried forth " Unless this is a customary term in storm talk, I'd strike the word "forth". Forgive me if it is my ignorance.
No, you're right; that wording was awkward overall.
  • " heavy rainfall of locally up to 8 inches " Surely there is a more pleasing way to phrase this?
Is this better?
  • "due to the effects of severe flooding." Shorten to "due to flooding' as no one dies from mild flooding.
Haha, very true.
  • " these areas." What areas? I hope it is not southern New England, because I am having difficulty squaring "devastation" and $10,000.
Added the area mentioned in the source.
  • "as well as fuel". Does the $50K pay for the fuel, or is that extra? The article is not clear.
Is this any better?
Aftermath
  • " in order to engage in the planting operation" Shorten considerably. And what kind of plants were they planting? As this is Jamaica, I'm not sure if I ought to ask.
Shortened and clarified.
  • "life supplies" It's not clear what these are.
The source doesn't clarify, though I think it's fairly clear nonetheless.
  • "voluntarily raised" strike voluntarily.
Done.
  • "local farm chickens" It strikes me that "local" and "farm" are unneeded here.
Struck local, kept farm as just chickens is a bit vague. ★ Auree talk 18:47, 17 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

That's about it. The prose seems a bit heavy, but it could be a relatively dull subject matter. I'll give it another read when these are done, please drop me a line on my talk page. Look for unnecessarily wordy constructions.--Wehwalt (talk) 17:33, 17 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the constructive comments. Hopefully the issues have been addressed satisfactorily. ★ Auree talk 18:47, 17 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
All that looks good. The prose seems stiff to me but that could be the subject matter. Allow me a bit of time to compare with FA weather articles.--Wehwalt (talk) 19:23, 17 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Support the prose seems stiff but it is not dissimilar from that in other weather articles and I'm impressed by something Ling Nut said at WT:FAC.--Wehwalt (talk) 18:12, 18 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks again for the review and the support ★ Auree talk 22:25, 18 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Alright, a full article review...

  • its remnants contributed to a large coastal storm for the East Coast of the United States. - "for" seems like an odd connecting word.
  • remnant monsoonal moisture from Tropical Storm Matthew - I don't think "monsoonal" is accurate here if the moisture was really derived from post-TS Matthew.
  • thunderstorm activity, otherwise known as convection. - "convection" and "thunderstorms" aren't really interchangeable, even though we usually present them as such. I would change "otherwise known as" to "a product of". I'm also not sure if you have to link thunderstorm, but that's your decision.
    • I just changed it to convection to avoid further confusion.★ Auree talk 22:17, 18 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Over the subsequent day - I'm the first one to make use of big words, but I think "next" would suffice.
    • I think that's up to personal preference, and I prefer subsequent in this context. ★ Auree talk 22:17, 18 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • regional surface pressures began to drop as sustained winds increased to near tropical storm-force. - TS force winds developed along the trough? Or had a closed low formed by this point? This sentence seems to be a bit out of context.
    • The source does mention a low, so I changed that. ★ Auree talk 22:17, 18 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • You link Atmospheric circulation, which covers large-scale (global) circulation features, to refer to a low-level LP center. Is there a more applicable link to use?
  • officials braced for more rain. - Was there previous rain?
  • As Nicole unexpectedly diverged from its projected path, the warnings and watch were discontinued the next day - two things. First, I don't remember seeing anything like that in the MH, so I'm left confused as to when/where the storm diverged from its forecast track. Also, "as" at the beginning of the sentence could have two meanings ("because", "or "while"), and I'd like to see that clarified.
    • Thanks for noticing this, because it did not make any sense. Nowhere does it mentioned an unexpected diversion, so I changed this ★ Auree talk 22:17, 18 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • another inhabitant was caught in flood waters - did he/she die?
    • Unspecified in recent sources. Latest sources mention them as missing. ★ Auree talk 22:17, 18 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • 'J$20 billion (US$235.4 million) worth of damage - this seems like really forced wording). Why not just "J$20 billion in damage"?
  • with moderate showers,[43] with localized maximum

That's it. Juliancolton (talk) 15:23, 18 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the in-depth review! ★ Auree talk 22:17, 18 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Nice, everything looks good with those points. I do, however, have a few more concerns that I had overlooked before. In this paragraph:

Multiple schools in New Hanover and Pender County opted to remain closed the next day due to heightened storm conditions associated with the successive weather system.[25] At the threat of prolonged rainfall, authorities in Kent County, Maryland, issued a flood watch from September 30 to October 1. Also in the area, both a temporary coastal flood advisory and wind advisory were declared on September 30, according to the National Weather Service.

–there are several things I find a bit weird. First, "heightened storm conditions" seems like unusual wording, unless the city perpetually experiences storm conditions and Nicole enhanced them. Also, I'm not sure what "successive weather system" means. That said, authorities don't issue flood watches (well, maybe they do, but then they wouldn't be notable enough to document in the article); instead, the local NWS office does. "Temporary" is weird in the next sentence, since I don't know of any severe weather alert that's permanent. Juliancolton (talk) 00:00, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I tweaked all of it a bit. Hopefully it looks better now ★ Auree talk 00:15, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • I have one main comment. How come the storm's structure was so asymmetric? You say how diffluence provided focus for the convection, but that's it on the why. Could you elaborate on that in the article? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 00:18, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support. Thanks for addressing that. Here are some more comments before I support (which I am close to doing).
    • In the lede, you say how the rain fell over the western Caribbean, and then you say that epic damage happened on Jamaica. I think it wouldn't hurt to say that the 28ish inches of rainfall occurred in Jamaica in the lede, since that's an impressive total.
    • "with another 54 reported to be destroyed" - the "reported to be" is unnecessary. Watch out for redundancies in your writing.
    • "Albeit upgraded to tropical storm status, the broad system retained an area of relatively weak winds around its core" - you've said that a few times. Try finding a better lead off for the 3rd paragraph.
    • "At the threat of thundershowers" - weird wording
    • Could you give an example of a "shattered" rainfall record?
    • I like the vivid descriptions of the deaths. Nice!

--♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:01, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Addressed all of those, except for the "Albeit upgraded [...]" one. There just isn't much else to say about Nicole, so I don't know what to do about it. Plus, I mentioned it to indicate that it was still an ambiguous system, even after being upgraded. ★ Auree talk 01:38, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support Comment, mostly points about the lede and meteorological history section being too technical:
    • Tropical Storm Nicole was a short-lived and asymmetric tropical cyclone that caused copious damage in Jamaica during the 2010 Atlantic hurricane season — "copious" sounds rather weird here. I suggest "extensive" or another synonym.
      • Tweaked, even though since it's just a synonym it wasn't really necessary. ★ Auree talk 04:52, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
    • as well as the last of a record eight tropical storms in September 2010.[1] — this makes it sound like all the storms in September were tropical storms, which is not correct.
      • How about "a record eight storms to attain tropical storm status"? ★ Auree talk 04:52, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
    • It maintained an unusual structure as it tracked northeastward, with a poorly defined circulation and little convection near the center. — too technical; see WP:WPTC/J for some auxiliary links that might be useful.
      • Tweaked a bit for less technicalities in the lede.
    • Due to the asymmetric structure of Nicole, the strongest thundershowers were well-removed from its center, — should well-removed be hyphenated?
    • Heavy precipitation of up to 37.42 inches (940 mm) and consequent floodwaters affected a total of 474 houses and destroyed 54 others. — by having "a total", you indicate that all the houses that were completely destroyed are included in that total, but then when you add "54 others" it seems that this is not the case. Please reword this so it's not so contradictory.
    • Elsewhere, the storm produced minor flooding in Havana, Cuba, — is "Cuba" necessary? Havana is a rather large and well-known city, and this is like saying that Moscow is in Russia.
    • Over the subsequent day, regional surface pressures began to drop as sustained winds increased to near tropical storm-force.[5] — hyphenation again, but more importantly, you probably want to indicate that the sustained winds around the low pressure area began to increase, as non-expert readers could be confused by being introduced to TS winds all of a sudden.
    • However, post-analytic estimates indicate the system had reached tropical storm status three hours earlier. — post-analytic? Why can't you say "estimates made after the hurricane season"? And this sentence also doesn't indicate why this is important: Nicole was a tropical storm 27 hours before it was originally thought to have reached that intensity.
      • It's essential data, albeit an addition. I tweaked it a bit though. ★ Auree talk 04:52, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
    • In Saint Andrew Parish, a house succumbed to the effects of the storm next to a street gutter; — what is this even trying to say?
      • That a house succumbed to the effects of the storm next to a street gutter? ★ Auree talk 04:52, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
        • Was the storm located right next to the street gutter? Titoxd(?!? - cool stuff) 05:23, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
    • Monetary losses totaled J$274.3 million (US$3.2 million), of which an estimated J$75.6 million (US$890,000) was required to replace destroyed units.[29] — units = housing units?
    • Some buildings lost their roofs when a waterspout hit Westmoreland Parish's capital of Savanna-la-Mar during the passage of the storm, — link waterspout
    • The extratropical remnants of Nicole retained extreme precipitation volumes, — extremely technical; what's wrong with saying that they retained plenty of moisture?
    Titoxd(?!? - cool stuff) 04:34, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • I've addressed all these issues now. Thanks for the review, Tito! ★ Auree talk 05:40, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks. Switched to support. Titoxd(?!? - cool stuff) 05:41, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support in light of my issues being satisfactorily addressed; nice work! Juliancolton (talk) 14:52, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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