Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Howie Morenz/archive2

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 04:03, 12 August 2009 [1].

Howie Morenz

Nominator(s): Kaiser matias (talk) 22:06, 22 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Had this article nominated a few weeks ago, and it didn't pass because I missed some grammatical problems. Those are all cleared up, so I don't see why it shouldn't pass this time. Kaiser matias (talk) 22:06, 22 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comment. Done; thanks. ~~Images need alt text as per WP:ALT.~~ Eubulides (talk) 16:48, 23 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

After working on it with you, this should now be all taken care of. Kaiser matias (talk) 05:37, 24 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, and thanks. Eubulides (talk) 06:04, 24 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comment – I just did a little copy-editing in the early part of the article, and I plan to look at the rest at a later time. Please check that I didn't make any mistakes. Giants2008 (17–14) 00:23, 27 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Everything looks good from the copy-edit. Kaiser matias (talk) 22:44, 30 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Just finished making some minor prose tweaks to the rest of the article. Again, please check to ensure quality. Giants2008 (17–14) 01:29, 31 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comment - "Born in Mitchell, Ontario, Howie Morenz was the son of William Morenz, who also had three daughters and another son." - I know from the reference they're sisters, but could you clarify this text? It looks right now as though the father was married previously. Parrot of Doom (talk) 23:27, 28 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Changed the way it was written, but it may need further work. Kaiser matias (talk) 22:44, 30 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:13, 29 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Oppose - The prose is more than a couple of copyedits away from being of FA quality. Some general observations:

There is repetitive use of present participles after a sentence's main clause. Examples from the lead:

"Morenz excelled in the junior Ontario Hockey Association, winning the Memorial Cup..."
"he became one of the most dominant players in the league, setting several league scoring records."
"Morenz consistently finished near the top of league scoring, placing in the top 10 leading scorers..."

Morenz's name is overused (for example, seven times in the relatively brief second paragraph of the lead, despite there being no other people mentioned in it who might make the use of pronouns ambiguous).
The prose is often choppy.

I'm willing to work with the nominator to address these issues, but I believe that this article requires more work than is reasonable to expect during a nomination. Steve Smith (talk) (formerly Sarcasticidealist) 20:57, 11 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I've addressed the comments made here, and left a note on your talk page in regards to the general wording of the article for continued discussion. Kaiser matias (talk) 01:17, 12 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.