Wikipedia:Peer review/Hunter Mariners/archive1

Hunter Mariners

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I feel it is near GA status, but may require some imprtovements or suggestions beforehand

Thanks,  The Windler talk  02:19, 13 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Fascinating article, but I agree it needs work before it can be GA. Here are some suggestions for improvement:

  • A model article is useful for ideas on style, refs, structure, etc. There are a lot of sport artilces that are FAs at Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Sport_and_recreation that could be models
  • Provide context for the reader, for example the article needs to make clearer in the lead that this was an Australian team. See WP:PCR
  • The lead should be a summary of the whole article - I think the lead should make it clear why they folded after one season. See WP:LEAD
  • Or in the lead too: The club was formed in mid 1995 before being disbanded in late 1997. could perhaps read The club was formed in mid 1995, played its first and only season in 1997, and was disbanded late in that year.
  • Article needs a good copyedit, I read for comprehension, but noted an "it's" where "its" is meant, for one example. Or this The New South Wales Rugby League competition (NSWRL) had been formed in 1908 and there was a Newcastle based club in the first two seasons, but left to form their own Newcastle Rugby League. the last phrase needs a subject (but it left to form...) and "their" is plural, but the sentence is talking about one (singular) team.
  • Avoid contractions - "did not", not "didn't"
  • Avoid overlinking, for example Newcastle Knights is linked twice in the second paragraph of the lead. See WP:OVERLINK
  • This does not make sense to me: The Mariners lost their first three games of the premiership season, their first a narrow loss on their home ground. However, after the first loss at home, the Mariners were able to win seven consecutive matches... The first sentence says they lost their first three games, including their first game at home. Then the second seems to say they won seven games after this first loss at home. Did they lose two after this or win seven?
  • References are generally good, but the tables (lists) need refs to show where their data is from.
  • World Club Challenge table - why are there four blank cells? Ditto for State and Nation in the players table. I would also link NSW to provide context.
  • Team honours is not about honours at all - should be renamed as a section
  • Please use my examples as just that - these are not an exhaustive list and if one example is given, please check to make sure there are not other occurrences of the same problem.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 03:17, 18 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks very much, I decide against peer reviewing other articles because my knowledge of what a better article is, and my English skills arne't top notch. Thankyou again.  The Windler talk  06:21, 18 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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