Wikipedia:Peer review/Air-tractor sledge/archive1

Air-tractor sledge

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
Having no experience in articles related to the Antarctic, I'm posting the article here to get feedback before a shot at FAC. I'm also interested in other editors' views on the article title; should it perhaps be moved to Vickers Monoplane No. 2 (despite spending the vast majority of its life as more of a sledge than a plane)? Any comments welcome. Apterygial ^talk 12:57, 4 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Brianboulton comments

This is a very interesting article, on a largely overlooked aspect of Antarctic exploration history. There is certainly no reason for merging it with the evidently nonexistent monoplane article. I only have a few suggestions

• The note giving the present-day value should state that this is on the basis of the RPI method.
  • Done. Apterygial ^talk 00:29, 8 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
• I think you should say that Shackleton was "prepared to lead" rather than "decided to lead" the expedition. The following sentence should begin "Although" rather then "While", and I would say "continued to assist" rather than "assisted".
  • Done. Apterygial ^talk 00:29, 8 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
• I haven't carried out a thorough prose check, but there is awkwardness in the prose on a few occasions. For example:-
  • the double "...ing" in "He had been considering taking..." is jarring
    • Fixed. Apterygial ^talk 07:25, 8 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Mawson's plane was originally designated by Vickers "No. 2" (the second R.E.P. Type Monoplane built), but was promoted to "No. 1" after the first crashed" could be better phrased.
    • Had a shot, but I don't like my effort. Apterygial ^talk 00:29, 8 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
      • Expanded this bit with more information, but I moved it to the Notes section to avoid being too far off-topic. Apterygial ^talk 07:22, 8 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...the team extensively surveyed the area they believed the air-tractor to be" needs a "where" before "they believed".

These are examples – the whole text would probably benefit from a general copyedit.

I've asked Malleus to have a look in. Apterygial ^talk 00:29, 8 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

• Do we need metric, Imperial and US gallons? What is the particular case for the last of these?
  • None really. I've dropped the US gallons. Apterygial ^talk 00:29, 8 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
• I wonder if, by way of a postscript, you could mention that the next aeroplane taken to the Antarctic (on Shackleton's Quest expedition, ten years later, also failed to fly (this time due to missing parts).
  • Perhaps even add Wilkins' first flight too. I returned Burke's book to the library, so I'll have a look when I'm in on Monday. Apterygial ^talk 00:29, 8 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I very much welcome this article, and hope that it might mark a renaissance in Antarctic exploration articles. Many important ones remain to be written or expanded. Brianboulton (talk) 16:20, 7 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Let's hope. For the moment I'll probably concentrate on the AAE, but I'll see after that. Apterygial ^talk 00:00, 9 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]