Talk:New Mexico Rattler

This review is transcluded from Talk:New Mexico Rattler/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Sammi Brie (talk · contribs) 01:25, 26 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a. (prose, spelling, and grammar):

   b. (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a. (reference section):

   b. (citations to reliable sources):

   c. (OR):

   d. (copyvio and plagiarism):

   Earwig revealed no issues.

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a. (major aspects):

   b. (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):

   b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):

   There's even alt text.

7. Overall:

   Pass/fail:

   See my question in re: ref 18. Other than that, it's a slew of comma usage and grammar errors. 7-day hold; ping when done.

(Criteria marked are unassessed)

Copy changes

Lead

• Remove comma after "47 mph (76 km/h)"

 Done Adog (Talk・Cont) 23:46, 27 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

History

• The growing size of Albuquerque, New Mexico was a contributing factor in constructing the roller coaster; as by the early 2000s, the park could back a large addition with the nearby population.
  • Missing GEOCOMMA after New Mexico
  • to retain the semicolon, drop "as"
• pushed the construction of its conceived roller coaster maybe "brought forward" instead of "pushed"?
• Then-mayor of Albuquerque, Martin Chávez, assisted Remove both commas because the structure of the sentence makes this not an appositive that can be cleanly removed. I can't say "Then-mayor of Albuquerque assisted" without asking "who"? (You could add "the" at the start of the sentence, but this is a link worth keeping).
• $2 million dollars redundant dollars; remove the comma later in this sentence (User:Sammi Brie/Commas in sentences)
• Park officials wanted to advertise the roller coaster to an adult demographic, and would increase park admission prices. Remove comma (CinS)
• The park began advertising the New Mexico Rattler on billboards during the summer season to promote its roller coaster. This feels like a redundant sentence
• Advertising on billboard's originally with the roller coaster would be absent until its opening. Awkward sentence, but the fact checks out. Try The roller coaster was removed from advertising that had been intended to promote it until it opened.
• and would open the next day, September 28 Change "would open" to "it opened"

 Done Adog (Talk・Cont) 23:46, 27 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Experience

• Exiting the turn, the train goes slightly right into the final brake run; before turning right to enter the station. This is not how you use a semicolon. Semicolons join what otherwise are separate sentences. You can just remove it entirely without adding other punctuation.
• the complete should be "to complete"

 Done Adog (Talk・Cont) 23:46, 27 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Characteristics

• "the manufacture" should be "the manufacturer"
• The roller coaster lies on one acre (0.40 ha) of land, and is located in southwest section of Cliff's Amusement Park. Drop the comma and add "the" before "southwest"
• The roller coaster had a planned length of 2,620 feet (800 m), though has a total track length of 2,750 feet (840 m). Change to something like The coaster has a total track length of 2,750 feet (840 m), longer than the originally planned 2,620 feet (800 m).
• Remove comma after "one train"

 Done Adog (Talk・Cont) 23:46, 27 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

• Potts recorded several guests reactions to the roller coaster, with one guest commenting on the different positive ride experiences in the front and back, with another expressing their enthusiasm for the roller coaster, wanting to ride it again. A bit of a comma-heavy sentence. Maybe... Potts recorded several guests reactions to the roller coaster, with one guest commenting on the different positive ride experiences in the front and back; another expressed their enthusiasm for the roller coaster, wanting to ride it again.
• "Brass Rings", not "Brass Ring's"

 Done Adog (Talk・Cont) 23:46, 27 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Spot checks

• 2: Over 10 years; name contest mention. Y
• 10 (Amusement Business): See above. Y
• 18: Is this a ref that is needed for the preceding sentence? It's from an advertising section for the coaster, not an actual news article. ?
• 21: Mentions the awards. Also tweaked the ref here to include the named section "Business Outlook". Y
• 27: 2008 list shows the Rattler tied for 49th. Y

 Done and removed ref pertaining to that sentence. Adog (Talk・Cont) 23:46, 27 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Sammi Brie: Again, thank you for another recent thorough review! You are the best. Let me know if anything else should be changed! Adog (Talk・Cont) 23:46, 27 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]