Talk:Midtown Square Mall/GA1

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Reviewer: Bobamnertiopsis (talk · contribs) 16:58, 10 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, Carbrera, I'll take this one. Any comments tagged with a † are not necessary to achieve GA status but would otherwise be useful to include, I believe.

1a

Overall, prose is decent. There are just a couple things to clean up:

• "located within two buildings; a two-story shopping center and a four-story office building." replace the semicolon with a colon.

 Done

• "Several business also have leased spaced within Midtown, including" → "Other businesses that have also leased space within Midtown include"

 Done

• "Over the years, Midtown Square Mall has been home to several local arts and crafts festivals, in addition to hosting several charitable events." Replace one of the severals in this sentence.†

 Done

• "2010's" → "2010s"

 Done

• "Before closing in the early 2010's, Midtown Square Mall contained a tenant named Workforce Center, a business that deals with unemployed residents of St. Cloud, Minnesota." This sentence reads as though the mall itself closed in the early teens. Suggest: "Midtown Square Mall housed a tenant called Workforce Center, a business that dealt with unemployed residents of St. Cloud, Minnesota, until its closure in the early 2010s." or the passive voice "Workforce Center, a business that dealt with unemployed residents of St. Cloud, Minnesota, was a tenant of Midtown Square Mall until the early 2010s when it closed."
• "An event center located within the mall, called Tuscan Center, opened in April 2013, filling a large vacancy within the mall." Suggest replacing second "the mall" with "Midtown Square".
• "The Tuscan Center" Should it be The Tuscan Center or just Tuscan Center?
• "three differently-sized meetings rooms and banquet rooms" Remove the hyphen after differently (-ly adverbs do not need hyphens) or rephrase to "three meeting and banquet rooms of different sizes"
• "meetings" → "meeting"

 Done

• "that can accommodate approximately 425 individuals" each or in total?

 Done

• "Other tenants that have taken residence within the mall include Old Country Buffet and St. Cloud's Department of Motor Vehicles offices, although the former business was forced to shutter following its bankruptcy in early 2016." Suggest flipping this around to "Other tenants that have taken residence within the mall include St. Cloud's Department of Motor Vehicles offices and Old Country Buffet, although the latter business was forced to shutter following its bankruptcy in early 2016."†
• "with a total of nine vacancies, of the available fifty-eight tenants." Replace "tenants" with "tenancies" and remove the comma.

 Done

1b

The main issue here is the lead, which includes information not seen in the body of the article.

"Midtown Square Mall, also known as Midtown Square, is a shopping mall located in St. Cloud, Minnesota. Built and opened in 1982, Midtown Square Mall is an enclosed building that includes both retail and office space. The mall consists of over 50 retail and business tenants, located within two buildings; a two-story shopping center and a four-story office building.

The mall is owned by Quality Investments Inc. and anchored by Midtown Fitness and a banquet/event center, Tuscan Center. Midtown Square has space leased by several national chains, including US Bank and Red Wing Shoes,[1] and is also home to various small businesses, such as a local coffee shop and a hair salon. Several business also have leased spaced within Midtown, including St. Cloud's Department of Motor Vehicles[2] and University of Minnesota offices.[3]"

• Everything italicized above is not mentioned below. My suggestion is to add an Ownership and tenants section below History and incorporate some of the info from the lead plus maybe some of the info from the History section into it, since so much of this article is about the tenants.

• As much as this is a good idea, I believe this may be borderline against this entry on WP:ANCHOR, which basically restates WP:NOTDIRECTORY. I'm not trying to attack your suggestion by any means, just perhaps you could help clarify a little bit more of what you mean here? Thank you, Carbrera (talk) 01:33, 24 October 2016 (UTC).[reply]

• Interesting, I didn't know about this policy but it makes sense. Per WP:ANCHOR, mentioning the mall's anchors (Tuscan Center, Midtown Fitness) is fine, but other businesses in this article should probably not be mentioned, including:

• US Bank (in lead and in body)
• Red Wing Shoes
• The "various small businesses, such as a local coffee shop and a hair salon" mentioned in the lead (the mention of the coffee shop in the body is fine since it's discussed as part of the larger Tuscan Center expansion)
• St. Cloud DMV
• University of Minnesota offices
• Old Country Buffet

I'd say the school district moving into the mall is encyclopedic enough to merit staying in the article. The other point here is that even with the mentions of these tenants, the lead still contains some info not found in the body of the article: the fact that Midtown Fitness is an anchor or the fact that the mall is "a two-story shopping center and a four-story office building".

• Also, a small layout thing: External links should be below References.

 Done

2a

• Seems fine for now but I'll do a more thorough check of the references on second pass after anything any rewriting.
• You could write out SCTimes as the full newspaper name, St. Cloud Times.†

 Done

• You could provide archive links to the Midtown Square Mall website links...theirs is the sort of website that tends to change without notice, leaving us with deadlinks.†

2b

The Midtown Square Mall website is called upon a number of times but is supplemented by references to other sites. I'm fine with this.

 Done Thanks for the clarification! Carbrera (talk) 01:28, 24 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

2c

• So there are 58 spaces (tenancies) in the mall, of which nine are vacant, leaving 49 occupied, right? I just want to clarify the sentence in the lead "The mall consists of over 50 retail and business tenants" because it sounds like as of two months ago, it had fewer than 50 tenants but over 50 spaces.

 Done

• "As of August 2016, the center is approaching full capacity" I think, without knowing what's a standard vacancy rate for a mall of this type and what the occupancy patterns are (have vacancies been going down? Up?), saying "the center is approaching full capacity" is a little misleading.

 Done

• "It is located directly across an intersection from another enclosed shopping mall, Crossroads Center." needs a source

 Done

2d

Will check on second pass.

3

Broad enough in coverage.

• "The center's offices are located inside the mall in Suite 204." is a little specific. I'd trim to "The center's offices are located inside the mall."

 Done

4, 5, 6

Neutral, no edit war issues, and no images (though I'd love to see one if you're ever in St. Cloud and want to snap a quick one.  Done

Other stuff

• Article is an orphan as no other articles link to it.†

 Done

• Linking "outparcel" either to something on Wikipedia or its entry on Wiktionary would aid the reader as it's not a terribly familiar term.†

 Not done Unfortunately there is no Wiktionary or Wikipedia entry for this word; should I replace it? Carbrera (talk) 01:28, 24 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Alright, that's it for now! I'll place this on hold for seven days and when you're done with these comments, I'll take another look, especially at sourcing. Please let me know if you have any questions! Best, BobAmnertiopsis∴_ChatMe! 16:58, 10 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I addressed a few issues mentioned above today; do you think I could have another week on this to go through everything? Carbrera (talk) 02:28, 17 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Sure, let's put it on hold til October 24. Thanks for letting me know! BobAmnertiopsis∴_ChatMe! 02:42, 17 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Good work so far Carbrera but WP:ANCHOR brings up some new questions addressed above in 1b. I also still need to check sources but since the suggested changes may alter some of the text of this article, I'm going to keep holding off on that. Best to you! BobAmnertiopsis∴_ChatMe! 04:14, 29 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Carbrera: It's been a week since the last activity on this page. I'm going to close this review soon unless I hear from you. I hope that's alright. Best, BobAmnertiopsis∴_ChatMe! 17:17, 5 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Bobamnertiopsis: Oh I apologize. I haven't added this page to my watchlist hence my minimal activity. I'll be getting to this tonight if that's alright with you. Thanks for your work so far. Carbrera (talk) 17:39, 5 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Sounds good! BobAmnertiopsis∴_ChatMe! 17:59, 5 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hey, Carbrera, I'm going to close this review as not passed. There's still some significant work to do in terms of figuring out what this article's scope is in consideration of WP:ANCHOR and using the lead to summarize the body of the article without stating new points. Plus, there have been almost three weeks without any editing activity on the article. Feel free to renominate at some future date once this page has undergone a little more work! All my best, BobAmnertiopsis∴_ChatMe! 03:28, 18 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]