Talk:Floreat Athena FC

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An encyclopaedia article is not a fan page. I have tried to re-write it in a neutral tone, and remove text that is merely opinion or is trivial. Let`s stick to the facts, and leave the breathless narrative for the club,s website. I have also tried to bring the formatting in line with the Wikipedia:Manual of Style, and identified statements that require citations from Wikipedia:Reliable Sources, although really the whole article needs more sources. Please keep in mind Wikipedia's policy on Wikipedia:Verifiability. Thanks, Ground Zero | t 09:47, 23 February 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"Alas, it would have felt like déjà vu as Athena crashed to 10th at the end of the 1968 season and suffered relegation for the second time in three years." I'd love to see an example of an encyclopaedia article that could legitimately use the word "alas". Alas, this isn't one.

"Since 1960 the club had finished no higher that third on four separate occasions denying Athena players and supporters what they coveted the most. The League premiership." Note that the second sentence isn't a sentence as it has no verb in it.

"After the turbulence of the sixties, Athena languished in the First Division ...." Oh so dramatic! Oh so inappropriate for an encyclopaedia!

The heading "Late Eighties - Early Nineties" violates WP:MOSNUM and WP:HEAD

"One of just four sides to go through a State Premier League season undefeated. " Also, not a sentence.

"The fabled 1990 team" - People tell fables about the 1990 team? Really?

"Under legendary coach, Jim Pyraglios, ...." I tihnk somone should look up "legendary". It really doesn't suit a footy coach.

"The 2007 Football West Premier League season was incredible for Floreat Athena.... Following the tremendous 2007 season...." Oh well that's certainly neutral in tone, isn't it?

"Many of the Floreat faithful were quite emotional when the news of the retirement surfaced." Is there any way to provide a verifiable source for a statement like this?

"Athena or Athene ( /əˈθiːnə/ or /əˈθiːniː/; Attic: Ἀθηνᾶ, Athēnā or Ἀθηναία, Athēnaia; Epic: Ἀθηναίη, Athēnaiē; Ionic: Ἀθήνη, Athēnē; Doric: Ἀθάνα, Athana), also referred to as Pallas Athena or Pallas Athene ( /ˈpæləs/; Παλλὰς Ἀθηνᾶ; Παλλὰς Ἀθήνη)...." The pronounications and Greek spellings may be appropriate for the article on Athena herself, but are just clutter in an article about a football club.

"Stan Lazaridis "Stan the Man" spent several years at the club in the early nineties. Perth-born in 1972, is arguably Western Australia's greatest football export." Ok, the second sentence doesn't have a subject, and who is arguing this?

"Troy's silky skills and uncanny judgement always stood him out from the average player." Again, how is this neutral? This sort of florid language just doesn't belong. And encyclopaedia articles are not on a first name basis with their subjects.

"The memories of this wonderful player will no doubt live on in the hearts of everyone in the Floreat Athena Club." This is not a yearbook of a memorial. It is an encyclopaedia article.

"Athena originally played it's matches at Wellington Square." Actually, "it's" means "it is", which doesn't make sense here.

"Football (soccer) is played internationally and the code is enjoying increasing players and fans in WA." Is football really played internationally? How surprising! Really, that statement doesn't belong in the middle of this article, and there is no need to repeat here that football is also known as soccer. And what does "increasing players" means?

"Floreat Athena however challenged Graham Normanton's best side over 2007-2008 and comprehensibly dismantled them during the regular season." I'd love to know what "comprehensibly dismantled" means.

"This rivalry is most definitely one for the ages." really. Aren't we getting a little carried away with the dramatics here?

"The on-field trash talk was second to none." So we've reviewed on-field trash talk across the whole of the sporting world, and concluded that this football game in WA in 2007 had the trashiest talk of all time? Who keeps track of these things?

"This particular rivalry is unique as technically it hasn't happened yet. It certainly is set to be the rivalry of the 2011 Football West Premier League season. " Wikipedia is not a crystal ball, which is another way of saying that an encyclopaedia deals in facts, not in speculation.

Ground Zero | t 03:58, 24 February 2011 (UTC)[reply]

A new section was added today that was in the same excitable, non-encyclopedic, unreferenced fanboy style that just doesn't work in an encyclopaedia article. I have cleaned it up again to show how to write in the correct style, but I won't do it again. Further contributions in this style will be deleted. It is not up to me or anyone else to clean up after someone who refuses to contribute constructively. Here are examples of my edits:

"It had been 11 long years...." - Years are always the same length -- either 365 or 366 days. You cannot have 11 366-day years in a row.

"but 2011's triumph proves to be one of the greatest" - WP:NPOV

"the writing was on the wall for a new look Athena outfit to fail miserabley" -- WP:NPOV and spelling

"6PR Stadium was the venue for the semi-final against Cockburn City." - this is convoluted -- it is much clearer and simpler to use the standard subject - verb - object construction: "The semi-final was played against Cockburn City at 6PR Stadium."

"stamped their authority on the game" -- overly dramatic

"Saturday the 19th of February 2011" -- Wikipedia uses simpler formatting of dates -- Saturday 19 February 2011 or Saturday February 19, 2011 -- see WP:NPOV

" The match proved to be a tight affair with both sides creating chances in an intriguing battle. " - let's stick to the facts, not the colour commentary. Ground Zero | t 11:22, 25 February 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Criteria used to restore this section for teams at the NPL-WA level were players that:

• played for the club at a youth or senior level;
• had represented the Australian national team;
• had amassed over 100 games with Perth Glory FC in the A-League;
• have their own Wikipedia article where this information is easily cross-referenced;
• had represented senior national football teams (where they were not Australian players).