Talk:2018 Southeastern Provisions raid

GA Review

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Reviewing
This review is transcluded from Talk:2018 Southeastern Provisions raid/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Muboshgu (talk · contribs) 03:04, 12 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Hello. Will review this probably by tomorrow. – Muboshgu (talk) 03:04, 12 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Took me a bit longer to find the time to review this than I expected.

Lead
  • Cannot start a sentence with a MOS:NUMERAL
  • near the town of Bean Station.[2] How near?
  • Koch Foods raid mentioned in the lead is not mentioned in the body.
  • It says that this is the second biggest ICE raid, and the source by that sentence says so as well, but the Postville raid seems bigger than this. Is Daily Yonder a WP:RS? It's a redirect to Bill Bishop. The Rolling Stone source says At the time, it was the largest workplace raid in a decade
Southeastern Provisions investigation
  • Things that are linked in the lead still need to be linked on their first use in the body. Abbreviations that are introduced in the lead also need to be introduced in the body as well. This goes for IRS, ICE and Grainger County
  • I appreciate the background on Southeastern Provisions, but there's no background on the Trump administration and ICE, which is clearly relevant. It's discussed in some of the sources, like the Rolling Stone source.
The raid
  • Add the time zone
  • described the raid as very hostile situatuion is ungrammatical with a misspelling
  • Source for the quote needs to be an inline citation, and there's no reason to include the name of the media outlet with the name of the speaker
  • Those detained were sent to await further instructions at a National Guard center in Morristown in neighboring Hamblen County.[14] This does not appear to be supported by the source. It also doesn't make sense to me. The agents told them to go to Morristown and wait?
Aftermath
  • Morristown only needs to be linked on its first use
  • Remove the media source here too
  • The support given to the immigrant families became a talking point for the political realm of the area's impacted by the raid.[7] The support is more important than the talking point. What support? The article mentions a 300 person march
Legal action
  • All five paragraphs in this section are WP:PROSELINE. Please fix.
  • The first paragraph is one run on sentence.
  • When you include the dollar sign, saying "dollars" after the number is redundant.
  • agreeing to shell out  No WP:EUPHEMISMS
  • This section uses the word "would" for past events four times. This is one of my pet peeves. See WP:INTOTHEWOULDS and rewrite those sentences.
  • We need context on Judge McDonough's appeal, and what if anything has happened to it.

Aside from all of this, there seems to be a lot missing from this article. I saw one reliable source mention that Brantley had been doing this since 2008. I saw a figure of $8 million in wages that he avoided paying taxes on. I saw things about toxic chemicals and a lack of PPE. And what happened to those 97 people who were detained/arrested? I'm putting this article on hold for one week. – Muboshgu (talk) 02:51, 19 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Re-reviewing... – Muboshgu (talk) 01:37, 2 August 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I have re-reviewed the article and decided that the best course of action is to fail this nomination. You did improve the article since my first review, as noted by the struck comments, but the other comments remain unresolved. There are stylistic mistakes, like sentences begun with numerals, the given name of the business owner being used repeatedly when only the surname should be used. Also, looking deeper in the sources, there's information missing. This article says that Morristown families raised over $60,000 for the impacted families of the raid and held a vigil, neither of which are mentioned. And while you did add something on the Trump administration's immigrant policy, it's not enough. That New Yorker source also says that the Trump administration vowed to quadruple workplace inspections. I think this is a decent start to a good article but it needs expansion and copy editing. – Muboshgu (talk) 02:26, 2 August 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Failed "good article" nomination

This article has failed its Good article nomination. This is how the article, as of August 2, 2021, compares against the six good article criteria:

1. Well written?: ✗ Fail
2. Verifiable?: ✓ Pass
3. Broad in coverage?: ✗ Fail
4. Neutral point of view?: ✓ Pass
5. Stable?: ✓ Pass
6. Images?: ✓ Pass


When these issues are addressed, the article can be renominated. If you feel that this review is in error, feel free to have it reassessed. Thank you for your work so far.==GA Review==

Unsuccessful. 🏵️Etrius ( Us) 05:35, 8 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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This review is transcluded from Talk:2018 Southeastern Provisions raid/GA2. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Etriusus (talk · contribs) 06:33, 3 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]


Grabbing this review, suggestions coming soon. 🏵️Etrius ( Us) 06:33, 3 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Review

Images

  • Image rights are in order. I did reverse image searches just to be sure.
  • "decided in favor" change to "ruled in favor"
  • The caption for "File:Tmphoto.jpg" is wordy and somewhat redundant to the passage itself. Simplify.

Copy-vios

  • Earwig only flags a block quote and proper nouns
  • Nothing noted on manual spot checks

Sources

  • Per WP:PERENNIAL, Rolling Stone, when used for sensitive issues like this, is not reliable. The quotes are fine.
  • "TWO MONTHS AFTER THE RAID: AN UPDATE FROM MORRISTOWN". Tennessee Immigrant & Refugee Rights Coalition. June 13, 2018. Archived from the original on October 8, 2020. Retrieved October 4, 2020 WP:POV, not neutrally reported
  • Lakin, Matt (September 12, 2018). "Bean Station ICE raid: Slaughterhouse owner pleads guilty to hiring undocumented workers". Knoxville News-Sentinel. Knoxville, Tennessee. Retrieved July 28, 2019
-dead link, no archive
  • Do not use IMDB for a source, this would actual work well in the external links section
  • Netflix citation is functioning as a WP:PRIMARY source, remove
  • A quick search finds a couple of sources on the documentary that aren't used here

Misc

  • MOS:EXTERNALLINKS, The first link should just be combined into the prose, the second link has clear POV issues, and the third is largely redundant to the second link.
  • Page is stable
  • Add 'see main' template to film section

Prose

  • Lead is too short, and is missing integral details about the event itself, please expand.
  • MOS:NUMERAL and MOS:CITELEAD
  • 'a year previous to the raid' awkward wording
  • 'Reports have suggested' WP:WEASEL
  • ' as much as possible' cut
  • In May 2017, as part of the then newly-established Trump administration's immigration policy targeting employers of undocumented workers, federal agents selected Southeastern Provisions and placed an informant to work at the facility. WP:POV issue, explain what the policy is, don't make a blanket statement that implied negative connotation.
  • 'informant had observed', remove had
  • 'would impose' change to imposed
  • 'downward' vague term
  • 'pump and dump" plan' expand
  • On April 5, 2018, a federal search warrant executed by the ICE, IRS, and the THP had the agencies raid Southeastern Provisions around 9:00 a.m EST. active voice for the whole paragraph.
  • 'then flooded the plant" WP:PUFFERY
  • 'Actions of violence' questionably WP:POV
  • 'questioned by authorities' who?
  • "54 undocumented laborers" MOS:NUMERAL
  • ' along with several arrested at Southeastern Provisions' reword, repetitive wording
  • ' invoked uproar' WP:PUFFERY
  • Hipsher was later defeated in the county's Republican primary WP:POV (The whole paragraph as a whole), if there is a direction relation then please be explicit, this loosely implies something that may just be coincidence.
  • Many of the workers that had been detained... All in passive voice
  • Between the six plaintiffs, the U.S. government would split $475,000, ... awkward wording
  • Final approval for the settlement is planned for February 27, 2023. Out of date

Review part 2

  • Lead needs serious work, no mention of the lawsuit,
  • MOS:CITELEAD
  • 'in Film" still need to be expanded
  • On April 5, 2018, a federal search warrant executed by the ICE, IRS, and the THP had the agencies raid Southeastern Provisions around 9:00 a.m EST. Federal agents had discovered 104 undocumented workers employed at the facility, detaining 86 and arresting 11. IRS officials had obtained information concluding that Brantley had paid the undocumented workers at a rate of $8–10 dollars an hour, with no extra pay for overtime FN 11 does not support all of this.
  • Why isn't the tax evasion issue mentioned, it was a major component on why the raid even began.
-Brantley hired an estimated amount of 150 undocumented workers in an attempt to reduce business expenses is all we get on this. There a lot more to this story than just reducing expenses.
  • Rename "in Film" to just Film
  • "He would be sentenced to 18 months..." active voice.
  • "the Trump administration, which had recently planned the raids of workplaces across the United States."
-I meant that you should expand this, not minimize it. Explain what the policy was, it's an important aspect to the piece as a whole. This was also brought up in the last GA review and it hasn't been addressed.
  • There is no immediate outcome listed for what happened to the people involved, just that they were arrested, then later brought a lawsuit.
  • There's little discussion about what happened during the lawsuit, there were issues of constitutionality and probable cause raised against ICE. The article jumps from pretrial to post-trial.
  • By April 2021, the United States Department of Homeland Security urged the Eastern District Court of Tennessee to exclude 41 agents involved in the raid from litigation This sentence goes nowhere, what was the impact of this? Why did they want them excluded?
  • Still a lot of passive voice in this last section.

From one source alone, I found a number of things in just [1] one source that weren't mentioned in the article.

  • "..first-ever class settlement over an immigration enforcement operation at a work site."
  • "The Great 'Steak' Out"
  • " complaint filed on Feb. 21, 2019,"
  • "Some of the folks who were arrested had proper documentation and were not undocumented in any way"
  • "Ninety-seven of the workers arrested during the raid were found to be undocumented and placed in deportation proceedings. About 20 of them went on to be deported."


  • Here's some good sources that could be included: [2], [3]

Comment: Please go through this article and make sure you're using active voice and not passive voice. All-in-all, this was a rough one to get through. I see it already failed one GA review so I'm willing to leave this open for now. On hold till 08/11. 🏵️Etrius ( Us) 04:59, 6 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@AppalachianCentrist, giving you a customary ping since this has been open for 2 days without word from you. 🏵️Etrius ( Us) 05:01, 6 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
All apologies @Etriusus, I have been on a long vacation out of town. Will look at your feedback now. AppalachianCentrist (talk) 19:14, 6 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
@Etriusus, the issues highlighted above should be resolved.
Thanks, AppalachianCentrist (talk) 00:33, 8 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
I appologize, but at this time I am going to fail the article. A handful of the recommended edits above were not addressed and the more I dig into it, the more I am finding missing information. This page could use a substantial expansion, furthermore, there are issues from the first GA review that haven't been addressed either. I understand that it can be disheartening to have a GA fail, trust me, I've been there. But this article has a good foundation and decent prose, it's just lacking a ton of information that is rather integral to the story as a whole. 🏵️Etrius ( Us) 05:34, 8 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Knoxville News-Sentinel archive

For future edits, the Knoxville News-Sentinel archives are available through newspapers.com, subscription-only. It may still useful to cite the URLs however, since many libraries offer access; search results are free but viewing the page requires subscription. A sample citation might look like:

  • Lakin, Matt (September 12, 2018). "Slaughterhouse owner pleads guilty to hiring undocumented workers". Knoxville News-Sentinel. Knoxville, Tennessee: Gannett. p. 3. Retrieved August 11, 2023 – via newspapers.com.

— Jon (talk) 22:43, 10 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

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